'Friends': Chandler's Problem, A Modern Take

Trying to deal with the panic of writing my Brown writing supplement, I turned to the only good and constant people in my life at the moment (not be to melodramatic or anything): Rachel Green, Ross Geller, Monica Geller, Phoebe Buffay, Joey Tribiani, and Chandler Bing. Try to tell me that this beloved television show doesn't solve all of our problems, with its sarcasm and childish jokes. You can't. If you want proof, 'Friends' first aired in 1994, or 5 BJ (Before Julia), and finished in 2004, yet, here I am, eighteen years old in 2017, watching and rewatching episodes when I really should be doing something (anything) else. If you haven't watched it, you should. But only if you enjoy laughing until you start hiccuping (the hiccuping might just be me).

So. Last night, I was watching season 3, a rather exciting one, as I really do prefer the earlier episodes, as it lacks the romantic partnering between the group (no spoilers on who!), which I think takes some of the humor away. The particular episode I watched , and am going to be talking about is episode 24, titled "The One With the Ultimate Fighting Champion". Seriously, whoever says 'Friends' is not informative is dead wrong.

It started out with a wonderful guest appearance from the late Robin Williams, who was a comedic connoisseur, if I do say so myself, and is primarily about, as you can guess, an 'Ultimate Fighting Champion'. However, one of the sub-plots of this episode is about Chandler's new boss, Doug. In this day and age, Doug, an obviously successful white man, would have gone the same way as Harvey Weinstein and Matt Lauer, as the episode focuses on Chandler's discomfort at Doug slapping his bum at their place of work at any given moment.

I wondered, as a continued to watch the episode at 2:30am, eating peanut butter from the tub, how this particular episode would be received if watched today. I remember watching it as a young kid thinking it was pretty hilarious, but now, given everything in the news, it is a uncomfortable to watch 'Friends' make inappropriate sexual harassment (it is what it is) the 'butt' of a joke (pardon the probably poorly-timed pun).

Of course, Chandler doesn't say 'no' to Doug outright, despite obviously being wildly uncomfortable. And that's the problem we have today, I think. People believe that just because someone does not vocally convey their consent (or lack of), then its a 'fuzzy area'. Take Melanie Martinez as an example, who has been accused of raping her former friend Timothy Heller, who on Twitter, told of Martinez molesting her in bed, as she lay there, not reciprocating. Martinez, in response, posted on Twitter as well that "Heller never said no to what we did together." Does that make it okay? Not saying no does not mean yes. That is not a hard concept. And regardless of what she said, it is also reported that Heller refused Melanie's advances numerous times. How can a person be so selfish and so disgusting as to violate somebody's body? Your body is yours to choose what to use it for, and to show someone that is such an intimate thing, and when that is so violently violated, you lose your sense of identity, which is the essence of who you are. To lose that is to lose a piece of yourself that you cannot function without. You're still trying to piece yourself back together, years after something has happened, and it is heartbreaking that somebody's unethical desire to feel pleasure (in anyway they can, regardless of how it come's about), affects the victim emotionally and psychologically, as well as physically. It's like scolding a child (me) for whining to their mother (my mother) about buying more Lunchables at the supermarket, even though there are already four in the basket. No means no.

It is interesting to see Chandler's reaction to Doug slapping his bum everyday. I mean, yes, the initial discomfort is clear, but as a man, I think that his colleagues do not take this seriously. In "The One With the Ultimate Fighting Champion", his colleagues tell him how jealous they are that Chandler is Doug's favorite, and that Chandler gets slapped, but they don't. But, imagine if Chandler was a woman. If this were Monica, Phoebe, or Rachel in this predicament, then the response would be completely different. Completely. The horrifying thing is, watching the interaction between two men does not seem as bad as between the opposite sexes. People laugh, its meant to be a joke, a man slapping another man's bottom, because "that's just what guys do", and its just "fun and games". But, my god. What a complete double standard. If 'Friends' had written an episode with a woman in the same situation as Chandler, there would have been an outcry of hate and fury towards them. There would have been riots, and most probably a boycott. I'd even go so far as to say a cancellation of the show as well. But, because it is a man, it's okay. It doesn't matter if he's uncomfortable with it, because he just has to 'man up'. The double standards have to stop. Sexual harassment is sexual harassment, regardless of gender, sex, or race. Again, with Melanie Martinez. There has been so much backlash against Timothy Heller, who believe her to be 'reading into things too much' and making up claims for her '15 minutes in the spotlight', which is sickening to read. Because the assault was between two women, some people don't take it as seriously. How is sexual harassment of a woman any different to the sexual harassment of a man? We play into the gender stereotypes we all have, and believe that it's not the same, when, in fact, it is.

At the end of the episode, we see Chandler get jealous of all his colleagues getting 'smacked' after he confronts Doug, and ends up wanting a smack himself. But, thats consensual. So thats a whole different story. Although still uncomfortable to watch, Chandler has given permission for Doug to give him a smack. So that's that. We shouldn't have to still be trying to educate people on consent. Not saying no does not mean yes. Silence does not mean yes. You know what means yes? Yes.